I am blank

I am angry

I am alone

I am hungry

I am trying

I am accepting

But I won’t let go!

Certain days start with hope. All you need is a swift move towards a brighter future. You feel the adrenaline pumping through otherwise called monotony. When my feet move without much effort. My hands are in-sync with my over-enthusiastic brain. Even the negative thoughts that have a way to bring me down seem powerless. Like an out-of-shape balloon that has lost its air and is now just lying in a corner waiting to be picked up and placed elsewhere. Today was that kind of a day.

But annoyingly it is ending differently. I am healthy and happy. So are my children and home. But there is this gnawing feeling that prevents me from smiling. And encourages me to shed a few tears. But I already cried thinking of a scenario (that might never happen), hurting myself so I can be prepared. For you know, in case it does happen, I will know how to react. I just wish a day that has been spent as happy melted into a calm night’s sleep. But that rarely ever happens. Yet I breathe in and breathe out hoping that tomorrow will be different.

Sonal Vij