Studies show that humans have the ability to imagine because we have a highly developed brain, the cerebrum, with an especially large frontal lobe. This is the anatomical difference between humans and rest of nature. Therefore, it feels alright to disclose that I have used my brain mostly to create my own imaginary world. Where I have lived happily since I was a little girl. And sadly, I still do. Reality gets too much to handle at times and tuning myself out to a self-created world soothes my anxious brain. I call it my ‘safe place’. There is only peace and lots of laughter there. Stairs of forgiveness lead to a terrace fenced with love. It is always nighttime there, moonlit with soft breeze. Music and sounds of laughter are all that you hear. And more than anyone else, my laugh is the loudest. A bonfire to warm up the happy people and imaginary stories to keep them warm. My safe place has all that I desire. That was lost, taken, or given up; finds its way back in my safe place. I still don’t have an interesting enough name though. So anytime anxiety makes it hard to breathe, I find myself happily zoned out to my safe place. Below are just a few thoughts that make me want to zone out every now and then.
“It will all make sense in the end.”
And my brain points out,
‘End means the finale. There won’t be another season
of my life.’
“It could have been worse; you are better off than so many.”
As my face turns red and ears emit fumes, I conclude,
‘No one knows how close I have gotten to….’
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
I correct it in my head,
“What doesn’t kill you, makes you cynical, paranoid, angry, scared…’
“If not for yourself then do it for them.”
And I am sure,
‘They will still ask for therapy soon.’
“If you love us, then trust our word.”
‘And throw out everything you have learned in 25 years of your life.’
And lastly,
“I hope you find what you are looking for.”
And in my heart, I am wondering,
‘Only if I knew how to get there.’
Black Coffee and Grey Stories 