“My tribe”

We are all born curious, but somewhere along the journey of life, curiosity gets buried under expectations, responsibilities, and duties. My life has been very normal, as normal as it can be. For a couple with no children, because we did not want any. We have lived comfortably and happily, at least for some time. At one point, I did feel the lack of other human beings in our home but then came the clarity. A complete sense of understanding of how grateful I was that I did not bring more humans into this world.

Now, coming back to curiosity. I think my curiosity has led me to this point in my life. Where I wake up every night without making a sound. And hide this incredibly insane part of my life from other living humans. So absolutely no one can know what happens in this house from midnight until early morning. These hours are entirely mine. All for me.

“Are we having dinner tonight at all?”

“I will be right there, Jack. Give me a minute, will you?”

‘Where was I? ya, anxious attachment. It happens when you are constantly worried that your partner may leave you or won’t be there when you need them. This can lead to clinginess and needy behavior.’

‘Hmmm! I cannot say any of this. It will kill her. Key word here is kill.’

“Are are you for real”?”

“No, I am not.”

‘Damn this dinner and my life.’

The dinner was finished abruptly and quietly. There were no conversations about the day, the food, or the news. Some people would look at us and assume how comfortable we are in this silence. Well, it was quiet for sure, happy, not really. It almost felt empty.

The tv shows ended, the kitchen was cleaned after dinner and dirty dishes shoved into the dishwasher for a quick cycle of wash. Everything needed to be done on time. I needed at least a 3-hour nap before midnight.

In the bed trying hard to sleep, all I could think of was that I was lying to my husband of 15 years. Yet, I am certain of my innocence. It wasn’t my fault that I heard them that night and not him. From the moment we moved into this new house 2 years ago until now, everything has led me to this moment.

The first time we attended the open house, I felt like I was being watched by eyes I could not see. And once we moved in, my books used to go missing and then turn up at the weirdest places. Like once I found my copy of Shantaram in the garage. As if I would ever leave my precious books in the mansion of spiders and bugs!

Anyway, I cannot wait for it to be midnight. This house truly feels like a home only then.

The first night I thought we were being burgled. But then the voices got weird and confusing. There was a woman singing ‘drops of Jupiter and someone playing the base. In the background I swear I even heard someone cough, a very dry one. I almost had the urge to give him a cough-drop. I even thought of waking up Jack, but then decided otherwise. For which I am grateful to myself to this day. That was the night, I met my real friends. Maybe even my best friends.

It is almost time, I wonder where we will meet tonight. I hope it is not the roof, that was some experience.

The lady of the house grabbed her robe slipping into warm shoes, for the winds were getting wilder and chillier. Her hands wrapped around her chest, she looked around for an open window or doors, guiding her to the night’s session. Her thoughts were disrupted by…

‘Oh my goodness, Daniel, you scared me. You are all wet. Did you fall in the lake again?’

‘I don’t know. But I am cold.’

Grabbing a blanket from the sofa, she wrapped Daniel’s shoulders in warmth making him smile. She could almost see his broken and blackened teeth. She loved his smile. He was the sweetest man in the world.  

‘Let’s go meet the others.’


It was Daniel who led her to the back door tonight. And there they were. All of them comfortable on her brand new patio furniture ordered from ‘Crate and Barrel’. Jack almost divorced her when he saw the bill. But she only the best for her tribe, her people.

‘Hey you! Where have you been? Willow was telling us about her first time.’

‘First time doing what?’

——– to be continued.

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