The strength it takes to keep standing tall is only understood best when it is lost. The day has ended with moments turned into memories safely tucked in my heart. They are in bed, safe and comfortable entering the zone of quiet meditation. I am strong. I am brave. I am enough. I love myself. The affirmations have been repeated and the night is finally calling me into its arms. Yet it is my shoulders that hunch out of the pillows, to wander the house yet again. Wondering why it happened? How it could have been avoided? I should have known better. Heck, I know better, after all these years. Where is the self-love, I keep professing to my kids? Why am I putting myself through this all over again?
And then the universe sends a sign. Yes, I believe in signs. And our ability to see and accept them comes only when we stand up for ourselves. To love and understand all that we have been and are and want to be. I guide my thoughts sipping tea while on a midnight date with myself.
Another night, old feeling has shown up. Nothing new, we have all been around for decades now. There is a familiarity we share. Compassion is a recent addition. I roll my shoulders backward breathing in and out letting my head move from side to side. The heaviness in the shoulders never goes away, however hard I try to love myself.
Unyielding and dismissive
Indifferent and aloof
Feeling lives on.
The miles keep extending
Burdening the feet.
Love has risen
From the shackles of Self-doubt.
Not questioning, “how could I?”
But understanding it as the
Journey to self-love.
Black Coffee and Grey Stories 