Anxiety Attack #550

Eyes wide awake streaked with last nights remnants

Notebook and pen resting on my pillow along with my head

I wake up to the sounds I love the most

“It is 7 am, you are late.”

Sorry, Therapy went on late last night; I smile

Today will be Happy.

Open windows greet the fresh breeze

Just one more stretch

And a couple of extra kisses on the tiny heads

Voice in the head is quiet around their laughter.

And then it happens.

Heart beating faster and deep breaths

Sweaty and cold me

A sudden gush of numbness engulfs my insides

Today is going to be a long day.

No one to the rescue

I must break free by myself.

One text after another, I need to check

Is this an intuition or an anxiety attack?

It happened back then, when a few died and one left.

I need to check.

One by one replies calm my heart

But the tears find a way out.

Yes

This is another anxiety attack.

Affirmations, I must repeat

But it is his voice I seek

He who is no longer around

Only in my mind.

Apologies, I must make now

For there is something coming

About to take it all away, again

Smiles and kisses snatched within moments

The cycle starts, yet again, to create

Another version by killing the older one.

Apologies, declarations and acceptance

Others fight for dreams, love, growth

I fight to just breathe

One day at a time.

Finally normal breaths return with Surya Namaskaar

It was just another morning

Living with anxiety

2 responses to “Anxiety Attack #550”

  1. do not focus on the things you cannot change – focus your time and energy into helping yourself feel better, set small targets which u can achieve and be happy what god has bestowed u with.. lost my mom 25 days back and i was in shock, fear and depressed for few days but i now only remember her great memories , we can not change destiny but we can live happily with what we have..A fighter i know u r.. keep writing and enjoy what u do !! Take care

    Like

    • I am so sorry Navdeep. After all these years of losing dad i still don’t have the right words to console anyone else in similar pain. But you are right about focussing on what is present here and trying to find peace with that. Take care! Hope to read your writings soon!

      Like

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