Eyes wide awake streaked with last nights remnants
Notebook and pen resting on my pillow along with my head
I wake up to the sounds I love the most
“It is 7 am, you are late.”
Sorry, Therapy went on late last night; I smile
Today will be Happy.
Open windows greet the fresh breeze
Just one more stretch
And a couple of extra kisses on the tiny heads
Voice in the head is quiet around their laughter.
And then it happens.
Heart beating faster and deep breaths
Sweaty and cold me
A sudden gush of numbness engulfs my insides
Today is going to be a long day.
No one to the rescue
I must break free by myself.
One text after another, I need to check
Is this an intuition or an anxiety attack?
It happened back then, when a few died and one left.
I need to check.
One by one replies calm my heart
But the tears find a way out.
This is another anxiety attack.
Affirmations, I must repeat
But it is his voice I seek
He who is no longer around
Only in my mind.
Apologies, I must make now
For there is something coming
About to take it all away, again
Smiles and kisses snatched within moments
The cycle starts, yet again, to create
Another version by killing the older one.
Apologies, declarations and acceptance
Others fight for dreams, love, growth
I fight to just breathe
One day at a time.
Finally normal breaths return with Surya Namaskaar
It was just another morning
Living with anxiety