Sweating all over her bedsheet, Priya woke up anxious and out of breath. It had been like this almost every night now for past 3 months. Even her doctor could not diagnose the problem. After a series of tests followed by a thorough Ultrasound, still, nothing turned out. Finally, her doctor referred her to a therapist. The earliest available appointment was in 2 weeks.
Priya had somewhere deep in her heart started to believe that there was something wrong with her mentally. Especially after being referred to a Therapist, she was convinced her problem was a lot bigger than she thought. After all these months without any solution, she had self-diagnosed herself as “Depressed and Lonely” the reason for her restless nights. That was it. Also, she had ended a year-long affair with a married colleague, exactly 3 months ago.
A whole year of the sex-capades and official trips together never made her anxious or worried about the repercussions. But ending it brought on her a long bill of doctors and medical tests. Why would she feel sad when she had ended it right on time before anyone found out? There were only two people who got hurt. She was able to keep the damage to just them. He was shocked to hear her ending the sexual encounters and kind of felt offended since he held the bigger responsibility. Moreover, he seemed more worried about finding a replacement for Priya than his wife finding out about the affair. It was quite clear that Priya would discontinue working in the same office.
Sitting in the kitchen drinking chamomile tea with lemon, she pondered on the sad fact that he was the best sex she ever had. The one who was in every sense wrong for her was the best she ever had. How twisted is that? And just for a moment she remembered the one in her car in the middle of nowhere. A pinching pain in her chest brought her back to the hot tea in her hand. 7 years of marriage was nothing compared to the 1 year of affair.
She started thinking of why people have affairs outside of their relationships at all. Her own marriage ended because her husband had cheated on her. When she finally confronted him, he confessed that he loved this other woman. It was in that moment she realized how naïve she had been all these years. Finally accepting that there was nothing to fight for, she walked out of that marriage. And now she had done the same to another innocent woman.
She knew she never loved this colleague. He was fascinating and very charming, but she knew she did not love him. Well, maybe that is maturity, she was able to differentiate between love and sexual chemistry. They could be completely official followed by mind-blowing sex and then walk away into their own separate worlds without any feelings of jealousy or belonging. It was the perfect relationship barred of any expectations where she did not have to do his dirty laundry or cook his meals. It was too comfortable, and so it had to end. The afternoon his wife drop by at the office for surprise lunch date, she lost her appetite for him then and there.
Coming back to the present situation, it was now 4 am, so she decided to watch her favorite Second World War documentary on Netflix and eat some snacks since there was no chance, she was ever going to be able to have a good night sleep anytime soon.
Black Coffee and Grey Stories 