I think I want to stop, but I understand that I cannot
I have a feeling today will be different from yesterday,
Because they say ‘each day is a new start’
Then why do I still feel stagnant thinking ‘yet again’
I can see a silver lining for there is always one if you look harder
But I also see the greys lingering around
I may have learned new skills for years of practice does not go waste
Yet I keep going back to where I started
But maybe now it’s time to let it help me
Like ‘A synthesis’
You live safely in my dreams and diary
But I also know there is more to you.
Your purpose is greater
It is something I still need to figure out
So, let me accept you with an open heart
No, I will not scream at you
For I know you have endured beyond my imagination
I stand here waiting to open the old chapters
No, I will not mock you for you were a child who believed in fairies and magic
I am letting you in for I know it is getting dark outside
No, you are not alone, we will live through it all together
I will keep the door open for the ones who left
For they might turn around for a chit chat
I am accepting that you were naïve back then
So, what, you were taken for granted, you took them for granted too
I can feel there is a greater purpose why you keep coming back
I will accept the mess you made, for it is in dirt that lotus blossoms
I will not belittle your confidence, for now I understand you were taught to adjust and not stand out.
No, I will not laugh at your dreams, for I still keep them safe under my pillow.
There is a hold I cannot let go
And it will be petty of me to think that it was all for me.
For there must be more like me, wondering “where did I go wrong?”
There is comfort in that lost world
So, I will let you help me in my present.
I know it is you who made me what I am today.
For I must confess,
That girl could not have survived this world.