“Love isn’t in the waiting,
It’s in the becoming.
I didn’t wait for him,
I became what he couldn’t turn away from.”
–Mata Parvati
My yoga teacher says that the most challenging part is already done once you are seated on your mat. The mental negotiation is more difficult than the physical practice. Therefore, I am always looking for words that inspire me. Tonight, the words of Mata Parvati were my inspiration.
I knew we weren’t meant to be together. I knew, but I refused to acknowledge the reality. Lurking behind tasteless conversations. Abandoning promises out of boredom. The truth is that I knew, yet I behaved exactly like you did. I, too, shut myself off. Why? So I could fit into your world. Sadly, that is how innocent love can be. I gave up on myself to fit into a world I did not even understand. You walked, and I tagged along. The decisions kept fading into future promises, and I continued to believe because, believe it or not, I changed myself so much for you. Naive or stupid in love, I thought you would change too. Until one day, I woke up and didn’t like the woman I saw in the mirror. Dried-up tears and cynical thoughts wrapped in a blanket of self-pity. That was the night I quietly stepped out of your world. I found myself staring at the same tree with a half-broken branch just hanging, waiting for it to, give up. I hated what I had become. Waiting for you was no longer my path. So I walked and dragged, all the while carrying the pain of lost moments and the guilt of giving in to situations. I worked on myself like I was a puzzle that needed to be out together. The pieces were either missing or had broken edges with faded colors. But I figured out ways to put myself together. I still don’t look like who I aspire to be, but I feel mended. So yeah, I knew we were never meant to be together. From the very first day, I knew it!
Black Coffee and Grey Stories 
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