Black Coffee and Grey Stories

I think I want to stop, but I understand that I cannot 

I have a feeling today will be different from yesterday,

Because they say ‘each day is a new start’

Then why do I still feel stagnant thinking ‘yet again’

I can see a silver lining for there is always one if you look harder

But I also see the greys lingering around

I may have learned new skills for years of practice does not go waste

Yet I keep going back to where I started

But maybe now it’s time to let it help me

Like ‘A synthesis’

You live safely in my dreams and diary 

But I also know there is more to you.

Your purpose is greater

It is something I still need to figure out

So, let me accept you with an open heart

No, I will not scream at you

For I know you have endured beyond my imagination

I stand here waiting to open the old chapters

No, I will not mock you for you were a child who believed in fairies and magic

I am letting you in for I know it is getting dark outside

No, you are not alone, we will live through it all together

I will keep the door open for the ones who left

For they might turn around for a chit chat

I am accepting that you were naïve back then

So, what, you were taken for granted, you took them for granted too

I can feel there is a greater purpose why you keep coming back

I will accept the mess you made, for it is in dirt that lotus blossoms

I will not belittle your confidence, for now I understand you were taught to adjust and not stand out.

No, I will not laugh at your dreams, for I still keep them safe under my pillow.

There is a hold I cannot let go

And it will be petty of me to think that it was all for me.

For there must be more like me, wondering “where did I go wrong?”

There is comfort in that lost world

So, I will let you help me in my present.

I know it is you who made me what I am today.

For I must confess,

That girl could not have survived this world.